Welcoming 2011 with More Music

So, as my tradition stands, I've put together a playlist for the new year.

2011 is a prime year... I've been to a few concerts this year, so there's dedications for those. Most of these are things on heavy rotation, new and fantastic, or things that I have a special tie to. So without further ado, here's Music for the New Year (2011 edition):

1. Trust Me I'm a Doctor - The Blizzards
   [Dedicated to the RCSI class of 2010 - welcome to being real doctors... Scary.]
   
   
2. Wish List - Neon Trees
   [This is the 2nd song from Neon Trees that I'd heard. It's now on my Christmas playlists. I like these guys, they've got some spunk, and it's a different sound than what I've heard recently. Plus... I have a bit of a wish list like them.]
   
   
3. Firework - Katy Perry
   [Ok, Katy's songs get overplayed every time... I think the second I put this on the list, I'm going to be sick of hearing it. But I like it. I admit it. I like it. At the moment, it's being used to promote Love & Other Drugs. Heart.]
   
   
4. Future Kings - Miracle Bell
   [Heard these guys as they opened for the Coronas. They're fun! Their 2nd on vocals/misc percussion/guitar looks like "Tighten" from Megamind or Jonah Hill... Hilarious. But they've got a great sound. I hope they go far.]
   
   
5. Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
   [I can't believe I've only had this album since Feb. I love it. Mumford has a great crescendo in just about every song. But this one is my favourite... And it's #1 on my top played list for iTunes right now.]
   
   
6. Radioactive - Kings of Leon
   [I have to give a nod to Kings for their new album. But... There's nothing like hearing a clip of a song, live, when you're in another country, feeling miserable, and stuck in a city that you don't belong in. This song will always make me smile now.]
   
   
7. Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
   [After first hearing this in 500 Days of Summer... It is EVERYWHERE. Thank you O2 for overplaying something in every commercial you've ever made... But I still like the song.]
   
   
8. Christmas Lights - Coldplay
   [New this holiday season... And chill... And a bit sad... And brilliant piano music. On heavy rotation for the Season, and probably will keep on into the new year.]
   
   
9. Stuff We Did - Michael Giacchinos
   [If you don't know this song, it's considered the "theme" from the movie Up. It makes me tear up. It's so gentle, and the way it was used in the movie was brilliant. It's also one of my new piano songs.]
   
   
10. All We Are - Matt Nathanson
    [Peaceful with where things are in life... I think this guy is going to be big. He's a bit in the mold of Mayer and Morrison, but he has much more content lyrics. I really like this one. Chills me out.]
    
    
11. For the First Time - The Script
    [Love the new album... I'm considering getting tickets to see them in the Aviva this spring... I'm just not sure I can tolerate the teenagers I'd have to fight off. But I dig this song. Positive in the economic time.]
    
    
12. Curl Up and Die - Relient K
    [Ok, it's been a while since I've given Relient K a listen. This came up on my genius a month ago, and I really like it. It has a different guitar feeling than most of their stuff (and I bit less Jesus than some of their songs). But it's a b-side, so that's probably why. It's not as depressing as it would sound from the title.]
    
    
13. Black Hole Sun (live acoustic) - Chris Cornell
    [I remember first hearing this in Humarock when I was in middle school... Crazy music video. But this is a nod to Chris, and the fact that they're getting back together and making some new music.]
    
    
14. Yellow Ledbetter - Pearl Jam
    [Saw them in concert! Great concert! (totally suited for the O2) Now, this was not played, but it needs to be out there. Plus, I got this on cd for Christmas. <3]
    
    
15. Second Chance - Shinedown
    [I don't know of another song by this group, and I don't know who to compare them to, but I like this. Heard it once, and was sold. Just a bit of growing-pains, bit of positive spin on accomplishments.]
    
    
16. You've Got the Love - Florence and the Machine
    [This has been a great year for this band. I think this is my favourite of their songs, ignoring that it was used a bit too often in Grey's Anatomy commercials.]
    
    
17. All the Right Moves - One Republic
    [There is something great about this song. I don't know if some of it isn't that I found out how they got the fantastic drum sounds in it... it involved an old house, a spiral staircase, multiple floors of percussion, and a moving mic... Cool.]
    
    
18. Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson
    [And here he is again. This is such a great song. Light and happy, hopeful, chill... Something I'd love to have a boyfriend sing to me one day.]
    
    
19. Halfway Gone - Lifehouse
    [They're coming to Dublin! I'm super excited for this concert. I've never seen them live, and I've been listening to them since Hanging By a Moment came out my freshman year of college. The new album is great. A bit more rock than they have been recently. Good job!]
    
    
20. Far from Here - The Coronas
    [One of the few songs that went off before the power failure at the concert in Dec. Go Coronas! I dig the new album, and they're very fun in concert, even when things aren't going to plan.]
    
    
21. Raise Your Glass - Pink
    [A nod to all my nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks. You know who you are. It's a fun song and a great wrap for a cd.]

... Roll on 2011. I'm looking forward to more great music!

On All Things Christmas

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!

Happy happy Christmas to everyone! How is everyone spending this day? I have to admit, I was dreading today. The idea of being away from home on Christmas was bad enough, but the idea of being alone on Christmas had me fairly worked up. You know what? Today is great.

First of all, my family celebrated Christmas last week. We were all together, we had a full Christmas day, dinner, presents, party, games... Yes, mom, we played a ton of games just like you wanted. For some reason, the day didn't seem as hectic as it usually does. It was relaxed, peaceful, it was really nice. And when we needed something from the store, we could actually go get it (since it was the 18th, not the 25th). And let's be honest, there was a butt-load of snow on the ground when I got home. I had wanted to make a snowman, but there was no space! We had roughly 5 1/2 ft, and I couldn't use the very little cleared sidewalk to build one. I did find time to play with the cat... and annoy her by taking a picture :) We did manage a full family picture.



Before I left home, I had the chance to meet a few friends for food or coffee or a chat or really just about anything. I also got to see my brother's new house (his stocking is pictured at the right)... and their cat, who is now bigger than Zade... crazy! I think the static electricity from the carpets is making Stella grow fast.

I had a rough trip back to Ireland. Where the weather was the issue leaving, getting back was a bout of food poisoning (I think) that had the long flight from Atlanta to Dublin seeming much much longer... and with bouts of vomiting. To add to the misery, every 5th seat or so was a child under the age of 2... crying. But I was back to work on Tuesday, on call Wednesday, and while the week leading up to Christmas is normally mad busy, hectic, this week was calm. I took Thursday night to visit one of my best friends (out in the TUNDRA that is the midlands at the moment... Yes, the midlands are freezing. Pretty, but freezing) and had a wonderful night in. And a great long sleep into Christmas Eve.

So what am I doing today? On my own in Dublin? Actually, I'm not on my own. My neighbour wound up stranded, so we're having a lovely day in. Slept in late, went to mass, had brunch, am trying to stay warm (yay for the penguin slippers!), and am watching a bunch of silly movies. Number one on the list was... Home Alone! That's right, John Hughes defined my childhood, and I decided that it was an appropriate Christmas day movie. There are a few things I've to do tomorrow, but there's no rush.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas. I'll be back before the new year.

Not all who wander...

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be the blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
~ J. R. R. Tolkien

I have to say that I didn't start off Friday morning with the greatest of moods. But having to go to work early for a meeting will rarely put you in a happy frame of mind. But after the meeting, the MDM, chats with my besties, 3-monthly intern assessment meeting, and dispersion of cookies, I was heading outta hospital for a week of holidays. Ah freedom! Freedom, by the way, tastes shockingly like more Christmas cookies. I really ought to apologise to my roomie (and her waistline) for the continuous onslaught of holiday foods... But they taste SO good!

I spent the better part of the afternoon baking, cleaning, doing laundry, packing... Maybe now is a good time to shamefully admit that I forgot to pack any socks; Target here I come. Then I sat with my finger poised over the start button of the microwave as my concert-companion was stuck in the horrendous Dublin traffic. But he got in with plenty of time to spare, and plenty of time to eat (I really need to keep on experimenting with my cooking, it's working out pretty well, I think).

Now, if it's possible for all my bad luck for the year to be compressed into 48 hours, I think it was. In a day or two, I'll be laughing about it, but I'm not quite there yet. So we headed out for the Coronas concert at the Olympia. I have to say, the two openers were really good. If you like the slightly off beat bands, check out Miracle Bell (they've a free single at the moment). I was pleased enough with the two openers that I didn't freak out completely at what followed... The Coronas came out and started their set. Perhaps 5 songs in, the power failed. The whole theater lost power. Not just the Olympia, but the 2 block radius surrounding on Dame Street was without power. They gave it about 10 minutes... no power. So the lads came out with acoustic guitars, a tambourine, 3 violins, and a cello and performed another 3 songs by flashlight. It must have been hell on their voices to be heard without so much as an amp.

With still now power, management kindly told us that they would be rescheduling the concert or we could return our tickets to point of sale for a refund. Bummer. Concert was promptly rescheduled for Tuesday night, when I'd be out of the country... More Bummer. And let's be honest, what are the chances that I could make it to a TicketMaster box office before the concert to try to get my money back? (Please let us remember that I had an early flight the next morning). Mega Bummer. I think I would have been really ticked off had my partner in crime not spent the majority of the walk home singing :) Totally kept a smile on my face. It was actually a ridiculous night. But a good one. And one I won't soon forget. Plus, now Sinead can go see the Coronas play too!

Back to the flat, tidied up, went to bed for an early trans-atlantic flight... Woke up, went to shower, and subjected myself to about 30 seconds of ice-cold water before giving up on there being any hot water. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Dear people of Dublin - 1) running your taps is not going to keep the water mains from freezing. 2) running your taps involves letting the faucet drip about once every minute, you only need one tap in the whole house to do this... would you please, for the love, stop running your faucets like river?! We are back in drought conditions... And I get up for work around 5am. This whole no-hot-water before 7am is not going to fly.

This is about where things turned... the cold non-shower. Foreshadowing the cold to follow. Flew from Dublin to Atlanta, which is an extremely long flight for those of you who've never taken it. Landed in Atlanta, checked the screens, ATL-MSP on time. Sweet. Walked over to my gate. Screen says "Dear Liz, sorry, but you're screwed." In other words, no delay, just straight up canceled. Boo. I ring Delta. Never fear, you've been re-booked for tomorrow from ATL to Dayton to MSP. o_O Dayton? Really? Isn't there a massive storm passing through the midwest? And wouldn't it be prudent not to be STUCK IN DAYTON TOMORROW?! Ah, yes, good point, we've re-booked you on a flight to Memphis that leaves in an hour, and then you go from Memphis to MSP tonight at 7pm.

Small flight to Memphis later and the MSP airport is closed. First time in 19 years... 17 inches fell with 30+ mph winds, and they could only maintain one runway. Disaster. Also, please feel free to check out the video of the Metrodome caving in!



Insane! So Delta will get me a bit of a discount at a dodgy Memphis motel just around the corner from the airport. Great. That's what I've always wanted to do. Sandwiched between a vacant lot, a semi-tractor-trailer loading warehouse, a flight path overhead, and with a liquor store across the street, I felt warm and fuzzy all over. On the bright side, I can now cross "Stay in a shady Graceland motel" off the bucket list. Ok, it's not on my bucket list, but I may just add it in so I get the satisfaction of crossing it off. Boom.

Jet-lag had me awake around 2am, so I made my way back to the airport at 5. I was hoping to make it on the 6am straight to MSP, but no such luck. Instead, at 9:35am I took a school bus with wings to Tulsa, OK. Then 20 minutes later was headed Tulsa to MN.

I think we landed in another zipcode, because it was a 15 minute taxi followed by a 15 minute wait for the jetbridge before we could get off the plane. And just a small heads up to those of you without the diesel blood of those raised in a town that has proper cold winters: gate checking a bag means you wait IN THE JET BRIDGE for the bag to come up. If you've packed your coat, it's going to be cold. Suck it up or huddle together for warmth, but if you think the jet bridge is cold, wait till you get outside!

Nearly home, I was less than surprised to find that my bag had not made the various transfers with me. Great. Even though I'd forgotten my socks, now I had no clothes. *sigh* Thankfully, I keep a stash of emergency clothes at home. They don't really fit me any more, but in a bind, they'll do! So my mom and I went off to see the new Narnia movie in 3D before dinner.

Now I'm home. There's about 5 ft of snow on the ground. It's -10* (-25 with windchill)... and that's in Fahrenheit. Brr! And I'm happy. There will be celebration of my dad's birthday (he's an old dude now!), there will be a ton of baking, there will be family, and friends, and an early Christmas... and there will be a lot of sleeping and sitting by the fire doing very little. I'm excited. I'm really really excited.

So I'm done wandering for the moment. Now I'm going to hunker down and enjoy the weather. And I'm going to cross my fingers that there's not enough snow in Dublin to delay my return. Because, and I mean this with the utmost respect. I HATE the Atlanta airport.

More pictures to follow!

Doctor, heal thyself...

"Few doctors will admit this, certainly not young ones, but subconsciously, in entering the profession, we must believe that ministering to others will heal our woundedness. And it can. But it can also deepen the wound."
~ Cutting for Stone

I want to talk about this quote... And I will. But first I need to talk about where I've been for the past few weeks. Dublin is under a gloomy cloud right now. The bitterness of the weather is adding salt to the wounds left by the current economic climate (and an attempt to add salt to the streets, which is something they haven't quite figured out yet). We are in for a long, cold, dark, bleak winter here. And only time will tell how damaged Ireland will be in the long run. In the short-term, the people in charge have been making extremely short-sighted decisions that are going to prolong the pain. For example, the pay cuts to junior doctors, the current work environment of the hospitals are leading to (what at the moment sounds like half, but will most likely end up being) one third of my intern class leaving Ireland for greener pastures. Some will go to the UK, some to Oz and New Zealand, the North Americans are heading home... The best and brightest doctors, educated in Ireland, started training in Ireland, are going to leave. The fall out in the future health care received by ALL of this country will last years if not decades.

On the tail end of Thanksgiving, a bittersweet holiday for an ex-pat, the cold and snow only reminds me of a weak approximation of home. And the inability of people to cope with the snow and ice (the inability of the government to prepare for it again) has brought on American temper-tantrums as I've been rear-ended, knocked down on the sidewalks, hit with ice-balls, and invariably delayed at everything I've tried to do. I miss my snowboots. I miss my SUV. I miss shovels that work, ice scrapers for cars, rock salt at the grocery stores, snow plows that work, central heating, Caribou coffee... I've compensated for this feeling by cleaning and baking on alternate days. My fridge is full of food to re-heat, and my cupboards are full of cookies. And none of this can soothe the impending loneliness of being alone for Christmas. Not just away from home, but alone...

So where have I been? Have a cookie.

Now, in the middle of all of this disaster, I encountered an extremely painful moment at the hospital. Scrubbed in theatre, my hands in a patient's abdomen, their heart beating just under my fingertips as I retract, I hear the phrase, "They're dead."

Clinically speaking, logically speaking, that patient was going to die. There was nothing within our power to fix the damage we were looking at. But this terrified and aggressively angry voice inside of me wanted to scream. "THEY'RE NOT DEAD! THE HEART BEATING IN MY HAND!!" And in fairness to that voice, we closed up and the patient survived another 18 hours before passing away. With the exception of that phrase, the situation was treated with the utmost respect.

I still haven't sorted my feelings about that day. It's painful and I'm angry about it. I think I'm most upset at the callousness of that moment. There are decent ways to express and rude ways state the condition of a patient. Maybe it was rude. Maybe it was cold. It was certainly blunt and upsetting. And at the end of the day, there are a good number of my colleagues that communicate in a similar fashion. It's something I've been exposed to over and over again. And you know what... I don't think I ever want to be ok with it. It's the ongoing divide between growing a tough skin, because medicine is brutal, and maintaining humanity and dignity in spite of the things you see. So... Am I healing? Or am I tearing open old scars?

Mass of Remembrance Reflection - ACE Fellowship Dublin

So, as some of you know, this month was my turn to give the reflection at our Dublin ACE Fellowship mass. It was a mass for remembrance... This is what I came up with:

Elizabeth Langdon was not a traditional woman. Don’t get me wrong, she was born into loving and supportive family, named after her mother and grandmother. She worked her way through her education, found gainful employment, was married, and started a family of her own. But when she was widowed with three young children, she opted to continue her job, becoming a single working mother in 1955. And when her children were grown, starting families of their own, she became Grammy, and she became a pillar in the lives of her grandchildren.

She taught me to play tic-tac-toe, and more specifically, she taught me how to beat my older brother at tic-tac-toe. She taught me how to knit and sew. She taught me to appreciate reading and literature. She taught me to be curious. She taught me how to play cards. And I guarantee that every time I play poker, I think of her. She worked until she was nearly 70 and continued part-time beyond that, living independently in the community she’d settled in years before. And when she passed away, it was as she had lived her whole life, on her own terms.

Grammy was my idle, my mentor, and I was her namesake. I felt an obligation to uphold the service she’d done by carrying the name with pride, with dignity, with unerring confidence and strength. Her passing was one of the first losses I experienced. I handled it much as I assume other soon-to-be high school seniors do: with all the dignity and bravado of someone who knew absolutely everything about life… Which, retrospectively, was actually rather little.

I struggled with the loss. It hurt in the summer when we would normally visit her. It hurt at Christmas, on her birthday, on my birthday, and at Thanksgiving. And for the longest time, I could not move beyond the empty feeling, the void left when she was physically no longer there. I coveted the small trinkets she’d given me, more because I knew she’d never give me any more than because they held specific meaning. I was sad. And I mourned. And I feared that if I let go of the sadness that she would be gone. And that I would forget her. That she would be somehow lost.

And then I was visiting my cousin. And we played tic-tac-toe… That was the first time I recognised how much she had given me. How much of what she had done was enduring. How much of her was in me. And slowly, I found a way to celebrate who she was that didn’t make me sad. That wasn’t a sense of loss but a sense of peace.

My views on life and death are constantly in flux. At work, I’m surrounded by people struggling to live and struggling to die. I pronounce death about once a week. I’ve watched people struggle to cope with end-stage disease and terminal diagnoses, and I’ve told people that they are dying. And there is no such thing as death becoming easy. The dead move on, and it feels that we are often left to pick up the pieces when they’ve gone. To quote tv’s bleeding heart doctor, “dying is easy, living is hard.”

We mourn all the time. We mourn loss of time. We mourn changes in relationships. We mourn changes in the places we live, in the people we know, in the seasons, and in the world around us. It. Is. Difficult. To celebrate someone’s life rather than mourn their death. It is a process. It grows from within those who have lost, when we feel compelled to share the gift that this person has brought us through their life. It grows from joy. Sadness and happiness are fleeting emotions. Joy is a way of living. Joy is sharing what is good in our lives with those around us. Joy is what draws us together in community, and that shared joy is what we miss when someone has passed on. They bring light to our lives and they help us shine in ways we could not on our own.

I initially planned to talk about autumn and leaves changing being a beautiful process when it’s really the death of the tree for the winter with re-birth in the spring… But that’s been done. And frankly with the weather we’ve been having and the potential dampness looming this weekend, I’m not sure leaves falling are what’s most concerning. Life and death surround us, they shape us, they carve away our weakness and leave us with what makes us strong. And our relatives, our friends, our family, our neighbours, our teachers, our community that have passed before us have stoked the fires of our inner strength. And that light is something we have to share.

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.” Grammy was a rock. She helped me shine. And I wanted to share some of that with all of you. And as we say this mass, in remembrance of all those who have passed before us, I would like to know some of the people that have touched your lives, that have illuminated you from within. So maybe, at dinner, we can share a little piece of our rocks with each other. And if anyone wants to play some tic-tac-toe… I’m game.

Back from Travels

I'd put it off before, so just a few comments about my little trip State-side.
I landed in Logan on Saturday (the same day my mom got in) and we drove down to Humarock. I hadn't been to Humarock in about 9 years, but this is the place I'd been every summer growing up. And it seemed unchanged.
I was there with my parents until Thursday. The daily schedule was pretty much locked in. Up around 6am (thank you jet lag) for coffee, reading the newspaper, and watching the sunrise over the atlantic with my dad. We had fantastic weather the whole time, and I didn't miss a single sunrise due to weather.

My mom would get up around 8, and there'd be more of a proper breakfast, then general nonsense until lunch. We'd either make lunch, or go out for lunch, or eat left-overs for lunch. In the afternoon, my mom and took walks up and down the beach. Or we would visit friends, or go to a movie, or meet the MacArthur's new twin grandkids (sooo cute), or get ready to have friends over for dinner/go out to dinner. And the sunsets out the back of the cottage and over the river were also wonderful to watch. It was a great time. Very very relaxing, and necessary. I needed a proper break. There were a few necessities to accomplish while there as well. I got the bridesmaid dress taken in, I got my hair cut, I slept a lot, I rented a car...

On Thursday, I headed into Boston. The 'rents had an early flight back to MN and I had to make tracks up to Hanover for a wedding. I met up with my friend Thom Thursday night for a catch up and cup of coffee. He's absolutely flying, landed a bit of a dream job, Boston suits him, and he's apparently turned into something of a ladies' man (sorry Aido). My parents left for a 6am flight on Friday morning, so I had a fantastic lie-in, picked up the rental, and drove up into the mountains. The weather turned a bit nasty half-way up, but nothing too disastrous.
Friday evening was the rehearsal and grooms dinner. Saturday the wedding. Now, I had pictures of the girls getting ready, and some of the leaves changing... but I stupidly broke the SD card out of my phone, so I've only one picture from the wedding (I backed everything up just before driving out of Boston...). And that picture is now my profile here. I will say that the wedding was lovely, the bride was beautiful, the reception was a blast. And I'm waiting for my friends to email me their photos :)
Sunday night, hopped a red-eye out of Logan, landed 5:30am in Dublin, went straight to the mont, showered, and started work just before 7am... It has been a bit of a blur since. I've been working solo for 2 weeks, this second week without an SHO on top of the co-intern being away. I'm a bit tired now...

Next round of traveling: December for home!

And that was a long lived thought...

First of all, many thanks to Em, who got back to her blog, which made me think, darn... I need to do that too. So now I'm back. Brief update, 3months on Neurosurgery did not kill me outright. I'm now on GenSurg with Prof. This is looking far more reasonable so keep your fingers crossed.

I'm in the middle of writing the reflection for ACE Fellowship November. If you remember, I did the Dec/Christmas reflection last year. I feel like I have a lot to live up to, but I'm glad I don't have Dec again... That'd be even more difficult. So before I buckle down and really hash this out, does anyone have any pressing thoughts? We're looking at Nov as All Saints/All Souls day, the beginning of Autumn changing to Winter. Remembering those that have died... Let me know what you think. When all is said and done, I'll post it here too.

As promised, I'm updating the 25 Random things... So, about 2 years later:

25 random things:

1. I'm much more tell than show, much more truth than dare. But I do walk the walk. I'd guess that as long as I'm working on surgery, I'm going to be much more show than tell. It's a trick of the job. Always more truth than dare, and I walk that walk at a breakneck pace.

2. I'm a rebel... I break rules left and right. Actually no, I don't. I'm a by the book kind of girl, most of the time. But I know how to bend the rules and when to break them outright. I do play by the rules. It annoys me when others don't and they get away with it. But I've learned when to ask permission and when to just do the right thing and ask forgiveness later.

3. I'm trying to travel around Europe as much as possible before I have to really buckle down and work. To some, this will be when I graduate med school. To others, this is when GP ends and I'm into the Paeds-Obgyn back to back slap followed by exams. It's debatable. But I just got back from Prague and have a flight booked for Berlin. Prague, Berlin, London, Paris, Rome... I've hit up a few places, and I'm certainly not done. I'm a bit of a home body, so I've been traveling around Ireland a lot. Plus, the back and forth between the States and Ireland eats up a good chunk of my vacation time. Not arguing though. I'm traveling about once a month.

4. I think I've become both more laid back in life and more uptight since high school... Which is weird. I'm more laid back in life for sure, I'm a little stressed from time to time, but I think it's warranted given my line of work. I'm learning to let things go... very slowly, little by little, I'm learning.

5. Teachers are amazing. I was one, I may go back to that eventually. But I decided that becoming a doctor was easier than being an educator. That's crazy. Teachers are amazing. They come in all shapes and sizes. I owe a giant thank you to each one I've had. I'm debating that last statement about which is easier... I don't think it's a fair comparison. Teachers get far less respect than doctors, but their job is SO important.

6. Speaking of crazy, I am. Admittedly. Which I'm totally ok with. I like being a little out there. I'm not bat shit crazy, but I have my moments of insanity and I think they're unique and special. 10 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound bag. I appreciate each of my friends that somehow love me for my crazy, and know how to bring me back to sane when it's necessary.

7. I keep a blog. Ostensibly, this is to make it easier to keep my friends around the world up-to-date on my random life happenings. Really, it's because I'm so used to keeping a journal and I like to think I'm important enough to read about. Yeah... It's just so all my stalkers can keep track of me. That and I can't stand twitter.

8. I used to think dancing in the rain and jumping in puddles were great ideas. Then I moved to Ireland. I will still play in summer storms back in MN, but the rain here is cold and infinite and the puddles are not good for my work clothes. I think I'm a grown up. When did that happen? Somewhere between being handed a diploma for med school and having to pronounce a patient, I became an adult. That doesn't mean I have to act like one all the time... And my non-med friends bear the brunt of that. Sorry guys, but if I'm dealing with life and death at work, I need to go see Easy A on the weekends.

9. Thanks to technology, I watch a ridiculous amount of American TV here in Ireland. I'm up to date on House, Chuck, Dexter, HIMYM, Bones, DSM, Burn Notice, and NCIS (a guilty pleasure). I don't even need to sling it anymore, they've all come to Ireland on sky. Can't say I'm 100% up to date, but I do watch. Plus... ANTM, my new guilty pleasure. It's kinda fun to come home after a long and challenging day to see 20 year old girls cry when they can't memorize a line... Keeps things in perspective.

10. I love to read. In spite of the "in your leisure time" reading I have to do to stay on top of my studies, I still love a good book... or a cheap quick fun POS airport novel. Recently, I've read "25 in Mississippi" by (my friend) William Priestley, "Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex" and "Twilight" (sadly, yes... I read Twilight) I wish I had more time to read, but I find myself quite tired... I've added "Eat, Pray, Love" to the list (read that one WAY ahead of the whole movie thing), "Eats, Shoots and Leaves," and "Sway: The irresistible pull of irrational thinking." I'm working on 2 books at once right now "Cutting for Stone" and "Guns, Germs, and Steel." Both are brilliant.

11. I've finished 2 marathons and have the sick desire to run another one... or try my hand at triathlons. Well... no dice here. Ran the Flora 10k after the Dublin marathon and that was just about the end of running all together for me. My right knee just about threw in the towel and after 8 weeks of physio, I decided to switch gears. I transitioned into yoga (thank you CPY - you are an amazing group of people/studios) and after a not so subtle challenge from a friend (*cough* Des *cough*) I've picked up my tennis racket again... 10 years out of the sport and it really is like riding a bike. So between running around the hospital all day, and twice weekly tennis matches, I feel that I'm keeping fit enough.

12. People absolutely fascinate me. And sometimes I confuse fascination with attraction. I'm working on that one. Still working on it. Maybe it's because I'm so complicated (half truth) that I like to think everyone else is. Maybe it's because I spent my first undergrad as a psych major. People are amazing, and interesting, and yes, fascinating.

13. I have a framed comic on my wall that looks like a poster to promote reading, but if you look closely, the person is reading porn... I think it's hilarious. I know it's hilarious.

14. I've tried my hand at a lot of things, drawing and painting, writing, teaching, dancing, psychology, philosophy, theology, video editing. And there's proof of all of these endeavors. I'm good at a lot of things. I haven't decided what I'm great at yet. Still pending... But I think I'm doing pretty good at doctoring right now.

15. I am a bleeding heart. This makes me want to take in strays, heal the wounded, and date the wrong people. It's led to me to trust the wrong people, do the wrong thing when I'm trying to do right, and more than once, I've been badly hurt. So... My heart is a little battered and bruised, and yes, still bleeding. But it's still in one piece. I'm not sure I'm still bleeding, but I carry my scars on the inside rather than the outside. I'm not as tough as I seem... It's mostly bravado. But what isn't bravado is survival.

16. Becoming a doctor changes how you see the world, how you see people, how you see death. It has to. If you're afraid of death, you're going to fall apart as a doctor. I'm slowly learning that it's ok to change the way you see things as long as you don't let it harden your heart. Still battling with this. I work with death. It hangs over all the decisions we make in hospital. I've found a way to accept this without agreeing that it should be easy. I care about my patients. But nothing in work can prepare you for dealing with it personally. It is not the same. Never let anyone tell you that.

17. I've lived in quite a few random places: Edina, MN; Toronto, Canada; South Bend, IN; Mission, Tx; Charlotte, NC; Dublin, Ireland. And I travel a lot. I call both MN and Dublin "home" and that's confusing sometimes. But I think that "home" really is all about the people. Because you can move house a lot. Home is something you share with others. Ok, Dublin is home. Where my family is, home too. I often say I'm going home when I fly to Dublin. I say I'm going home to visit my parents when I'm flying State-side. But I'll be honest, I've put down roots here in Ireland...

18. My older brother is getting married. This means 3 big things: 1 - Dan is a grown up... Weird. 2 - I'm going to have a sister! Yay! 3 - If the whole marriage pressure thing gets put on me, I'm throwing the grandkids pressure on Dan. My older brother IS married! And they are happy and wonderful. Kirsten is an awesome sister (that's right lady, you are). But the grandkids pressure... yeah, that's there... Dan has a lovely job, they're getting a house, they have a kitten. Careful, Dan. You're running out of excuses :)

19. I miss having pets. I miss Abbey and Zadie. I thought about getting a dog, but I don't have the time for one right now, and it wouldn't be fair to the dog. I thought about getting a cat, but I'm sortof allergic to them, and my roommates don't want one. I thought about getting a goldfish, but then I realised that it'd just be a disappointment that I can't pet it and it can't learn tricks. Maybe I need a boyfriend. No resolution here. I don't have time for a pet because of my work schedule. I'd need something a bit more independent than a cat (if that's possible). I suppose the right boyfriend would suffice, but I think my standards are a bit high.

20. I am both ridiculously organized AND hilariously messy. It frequently looks as though a small tornado went through my room, or that my closet vomited on the floor. But I know where everything is, I clean my bathroom to a shine once a week, and I have a schedule and plan for just about everything. I have to in order to keep up with my life. Uh... some habits are permanent.

21. I love music. I sing a lot... just rarely in public. Though I'll sing with the choirs. I sing in church (even if Brent laughs at me). I sing in the shower (sorry roomies). And there's always music playing in my head. I have a soundtrack for my life. Just ask, I'll tell you what's playing. I've returned to playing piano as well... Music is everywhere :)

22. I'm Catholic. I go to church. I pray. Sometimes people ask me how I can be a doctor and still go to church. I couldn't be a doctor without my faith. Still true.

23. The question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" scares the piss out of me. Still does... I'm a grown up???!

24. Right now, my favorite insult is to call someone a "knob." I think it's going to become a permanent thing in my vocabulary. Ok, knob didn't stick. I found too many other amusing ones (I blame Enda... He tends to be expressly creative with his insults)

25. I don't like bullshit. I'm really good at "playing the game" and "being a good listener" But after a while, I like to call a spade a spade. I don't like playing games with people (and girls play SO many games... which is stupid). I can be blunt sometimes. This has worked, and on occasion this has failed miserably. Maybe it goes back to that trusting the wrong people thing. It's all about pots and kettles. Still true. I hate politics as well. Just another game. A guise for getting something from someone else that they don't want to give, and finding a way for it to be "right"... That's right BMont, I'm talking to you.

Back in the Swing of Things

So... it's been a while. And it's not as though I'm going to be any less busy. So before I try to get back into the weekly updates, I'm just going to throw up an old post from facebook. It was one of those chains that went around yonks ago. I'll update it soon. But for now, a re-introduction to the me that was in SC-I:

25 random things:

1. I'm much more tell than show, much more truth than dare. But I do walk the walk.

2. I'm a rebel... I break rules left and right. Actually no, I don't. I'm a by the book kind of girl, most of the time. But I know how to bend the rules and when to break them outright.

3. I'm trying to travel around Europe as much as possible before I have to really buckle down and work. To some, this will be when I graduate med school. To others, this is when GP ends and I'm into the Paeds-Obgyn back to back slap followed by exams. It's debatable. But I just got back from Prague and have a flight booked for Berlin.

4. I think I've become both more laid back in life and more uptight since high school... Which is weird.

5. Teachers are amazing. I was one, I may go back to that eventually. But I decided that becoming a doctor was easier than being an educator. That's crazy.

6. Speaking of crazy, I am. Admittedly. Which I'm totally ok with. I like being a little out there. I'm not bat shit crazy, but I have my moments of insanity and I think they're unique and special.

7. I keep a blog. Ostensibly, this is to make it easier to keep my friends around the world up-to-date on my random life happenings. Really, it's because I'm so used to keeping a journal and I like to think I'm important enough to read about.

8. I used to think dancing in the rain and jumping in puddles were great ideas. Then I moved to Ireland. I will still play in summer storms back in MN, but the rain here is cold and infinite and the puddles are not good for my work clothes. I think I'm a grown up. When did that happen?

9. Thanks to technology, I watch a ridiculous amount of American TV here in Ireland. I'm up to date on House, Chuck, Dexter, HIMYM, Bones, DSM, Burn Notice, and NCIS (a guilty pleasure).

10. I love to read. In spite of the "in your leisure time" reading I have to do to stay on top of my studies, I still love a good book... or a cheap quick fun POS airport novel. Recently, I've read "25 in Mississippi" by (my friend) William Priestley, "Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex" and "Twilight" (sadly, yes... I read Twilight)

11. I've finished 2 marathons and have the sick desire to run another one... or try my hand at triathlons.

12. People absolutely fascinate me. And sometimes I confuse fascination with attraction. I'm working on that one.

13. I have a framed comic on my wall that looks like a poster to promote reading, but if you look closely, the person is reading porn... I think it's hilarious.

14. I've tried my hand at a lot of things, drawing and painting, writing, teaching, dancing, psychology, philosophy, theology, video editing. And there's proof of all of these endeavors. I'm good at a lot of things. I haven't decided what I'm great at yet.

15. I am a bleeding heart. This makes me want to take in strays, heal the wounded, and date the wrong people. It's led to me to trust the wrong people, do the wrong thing when I'm trying to do right, and more than once, I've been badly hurt. So... My heart is a little battered and bruised, and yes, still bleeding. But it's still in one piece.

16. Becoming a doctor changes how you see the world, how you see people, how you see death. It has to. If you're afraid of death, you're going to fall apart as a doctor. I'm slowly learning that it's ok to change the way you see things as long as you don't let it harden your heart.

17. I've lived in quite a few random places: Edina, MN; Toronto, Canada; South Bend, IN; Mission, Tx; Charlotte, NC; Dublin, Ireland. And I travel a lot. I call both MN and Dublin "home" and that's confusing sometimes. But I think that "home" really is all about the people. Because you can move house a lot. Home is something you share with others.

18. My older brother is getting married. This means 3 big things: 1 - Dan is a grown up... Weird. 2 - I'm going to have a sister! Yay! 3 - If the whole marriage pressure thing gets put on me, I'm throwing the grandkids pressure on Dan.

19. I miss having pets. I miss Abbey and Zadie. I thought about getting a dog, but I don't have the time for one right now, and it wouldn't be fair to the dog. I thought about getting a cat, but I'm sortof allergic to them, and my roommates don't want one. I thought about getting a goldfish, but then I realised that it'd just be a disappointment that I can't pet it and it can't learn tricks. Maybe I need a boyfriend.

20. I am both ridiculously organized AND hilariously messy. It frequently looks as though a small tornado went through my room, or that my closet vomited on the floor. But I know where everything is, I clean my bathroom to a shine once a week, and I have a schedule and plan for just about everything. I have to in order to keep up with my life.

21. I love music. I sing a lot... just rarely in public. Though I'll sing with the choirs. I sing in church (even if Brent laughs at me). I sing in the shower (sorry roomies). And there's always music playing in my head. I have a soundtrack for my life. Just ask, I'll tell you what's playing.

22. I'm Catholic. I go to church. I pray. Sometimes people ask me how I can be a doctor and still go to church. I couldn't be a doctor without my faith.

23. The question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" scares the piss out of me.

24. Right now, my favorite insult is to call someone a "knob." I think it's going to become a permanent thing in my vocabulary.

25. I don't like bullshit. I'm really good at "playing the game" and "being a good listener" But after a while, I like to call a spade a spade. I don't like playing games with people (and girls play SO many games... which is stupid). I can be blunt sometimes. This has worked, and on occasion this has failed miserably. Maybe it goes back to that trusting the wrong people thing. It's all about pots and kettles.

Dust and Joy and Sandwich-boards

I remember when I was younger, the same message was repeated every year on Ash Wednesday: "From dust you were made, and to dust you shall return." The ashes on the forehead were a sign of our mortality, of the finite nature of our existence... Today, it was a different blessing of sorts. Today, I heard "I invite you to turn away from sin and live the gospel."

It felt odd, that new message. I'm so used to the slight doom and gloom of entering into Lent. Such a dark time of year, cold season, bleak really... And you're staring down 40 days of giving up something you love (well, hopefully not love, maybe giving up something you crave). And to start the party, you are reminded that you came from nothing but ash and dust and one day, you'll be straight back there. I never felt it was condemning, almost comforting. Only certainty in life: Death and Taxes. Life is certainly limited. There is an end point. But... BUT that's merely the physical life. Your body, your belongings, your clothes, your books, your trinkets, your hairstyle, your photos, your computer, your (i)phone, your things, your STUFF... That is made of dust. It's all transient. It is not what matters. What matters is what is inside, what matters is your thoughts, your beliefs, your faith, your soul, your love and your joy. I liked the old message - marking the body for where it was headed while entering a time to whip that soul into shape...

That being said, I don't dislike the new message. I find it quite... happy? "I invite you to turn away from sin." Who doesn't like an invitation?! I hear invitation, I think party! And living the gospel... Hell of a party! Maybe I'm a traditionalist. I'm a creature of habit. I don't like changing things I find comforting. But I think the Church often needs a positive message, especially now. And if a simple blessing can be the linchpin in conversion than who am I to question it?

The homily we heard this evening was a bit of kick in the pants. A call to action of sorts. And one of those homily points that hit home, and hit home hard. The focus of the question was, "How does your life inspire?" It was broken into bits of, "How do people know you're a Catholic?" and "What sacrifices are you making for Lent?" But the message was clear. You should be inspiring. People should want to be you. People should want to know you. (You should be cool, eh?) But what are you doing? How are you inspiring? How are you challenging others around you? How do you live the gospel? ... How are you a good Catholic when it seems so counter-cultural to be even remotely Christian? Think about it. It's a tough question.

Last thing: Sandwich boards. Not a topic I'd expect in a homily. But love the imagery. Why do you wear a sandwich board? So the guy walking up the street and the guy walking down the street both get the message! They're bringing back sandwich boards as a form of cheap advertising. Sweet. Do the same. Be a sandwich board for your message (whatever it may be). Make sure that everyone can read it, no matter if they're coming or going, if they're in front of you or behind you, if they agree or disagree...

So what's on my board then? Good question. Off hand, only one thing pops to mind - - Joy. Forget happy and sad, they're transient feelings. Joy is a way of being, a way of living, a way of loving. So that's it, my message is simple: Joy... and maybe an anti-smoking message too.

"I do it for the joy it brings
because I am a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
we owe each other the world
I do it 'cause it's the least I can do
I do it 'cause I learned it from you
I do it because I want to
because I want to."

Music for the New Year - 2010 edition

So I know this is mucho delayed. As some of you know, Lappy (my trusty MacBook) has been in the shop with a series of minor hardware problems. Turns out that most of the hardware was fine, but the motherboard was having a small meltdown causing everything else to malfunction. Well, Lappy is now home, programmes papers and music are re-installed, and he's happy as a little white mac clam.

I put together a playlist for the new year. Most of it is stuff I've been listening to, some on heavy rotation while studying for exams... don't worry, I've spared you the Glee Soundtrack, but only because I couldn't pick and I'm not allowed to just use a single cd (PS: Thanks Mom, Awesome Christmas Present!!!) I've a few comments for the songs that are on there, so here goes:

1. Farewell Ride - Beck
   [dedicated to my RCSI Final Med class... it is our farewell ride, let it be a good one]
2. Coyotes - Jason Mraz
   [I had trouble picking from this album, as I'm sure you can see. Everything had a different sound and I really dig it. It's hard to say why exactly I like this song, but it's new, it's different, and I think it's brilliant]
   
3. Crazy (James Michael Mix) - Alanis Morissette
   [For my girls! It's so true... we're a bit crazy, perhaps me more so than others, thanks for letting me be crazy]
   
4. Flame - BellX1
   [Never understood why Mark loved BellX1 until I heard this song. Frankly, I first copped onto this because of the line "and toast marshmallows on a cold dark night." But the more I listened, the more I liked. The beat is great, the lyrics are subtle but also great.]
   
5. Say When - The Fray
   [First time I heard this song, I latched on. Anyone ever through a rough patch can feel this. With all the stress and intensity of this year, I just found this to be so apt. We all need to know when and how to "Say When."]
   
6. Dig - Incubus
   [I hadn't listened to Incubus in ages, so when someone handed me Light Grenades it was like a flashback to freshman year of college. But strangely, the songs I'd rocked out to then sounded different. And Dig really really stuck out. Oil and Water is another good one from the album, but Dig won out. Mostly because I feel like I've been dug out from a pile of crap that's been weighing down my life.]
   
7. Turn to Stone - Ingrid Michaelson
   [I'm really liking music with piano as the lead instrument. Nod to the logic of speaking your mind, and more to the point, of speaking your heart. The more you keep it in, the tougher it is to get it out. So sick of choking on words that are never spoken.]
   
8. Love for a Child - Jason Mraz
   [Here's #2 from "We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things." It's a lemons to lemonade type of song. Bittersweet, tad jaded, tad sad, and hopeful. Here's to innocence.]
   
9. Unplayed Piano - Damien Rice & Lisa Hannigan
   [Beautifully bittersweet. The piano is fantastic, the vocal duet is gorgeous... I want to learn to sing and play this. Anyone else for a duet?]
   
10. A Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz
    [You know, there are these people that come into your life and leave such a mark on you that you could never ever be the same. And in spite of everything good and changing and strong about it, life can get in the way. Welcome to my life. This song is almost too close to home, and yet it's beautiful. "Like picking up trash in dresses."]
    
11. The End - Pearl Jam
    [Who can argue with Eddie Vedder picking up the acoustic and giving a slow jam? And such a dark, moody slow jam? Tribute to those who've left us this year. To the changes that are coming. And to taking the knocks on the chin and going forward anyway.]
    
12. New Soul - Yael Naim
    [Leaving the bittersweet for something very fresh sounding. Yes, I know this is the music used for the Mac commercials. I don't care. I've had a few moments of this feeling... feeling new, feeling young (and maybe a touch inexperienced), but hopeful. Very hopeful.]
    
13. Hey, Soul Sister - Train
    [I heard this song quite a few times before I had ANY idea it was Train. It reminds me of Michael Franti's "Say Hey." I like the rhythm. I like the upbeat key. I like that it's different from what Train tends to do.]
    
14. I Don't Know - Lisa Hannigan
    [Lisa Hannigan has one of those voices that is so beautifully haunting. I have to credit Thom for introducing me to her music (though I introduced him to her after the little concert). But when she sings live, it's totally effortless and engaging. And this is one of her fun, happy, a little silly songs.]
    
15. Crack the Shutters - Snow Patrol
    [I've learned the piano chords for this song. It's remarkably easy. But there's something about the crescendos in this song that absolutely catches me. I know it's a repeat from the summer soundtrack, but it was heavy play for exams as I was learning the piano. I also think the lyrics are hot. Sue me.]
    
16. Your Love Is a Song - Switchfoot
    [Switchfoot's new album, "Hello Hurricane" is like a throwback to the rock they used to do when they first started. They seemed to get stuck in the ballads (which are always good from them) and softened everything. Welcome back to Christian ROCK fellas, and this song was one of my favourites on the album. The feeling of all encompassing love, beautiful.]
    
17. Sunburn - Owl City
    [Ok, Owl City (aka Adam Young) is so sweet that dentists and endocrinologist have banned his music, but... Oh come on! It's adorable. Owl City has a tone of Postal Service, mostly major key songs, that are hopelessly naive and hopeful without any of the smutty leanings of what was Brittany/NSync/Backstreet Boys/Spice Girls teen pop of my high school days. A sort of cleanness that I've missed as of late. So mad props for being sincere and not bitter or jaded about life yet, Adam. And you're right, sir. Research does cause cancer in lab rats!]
    
18. Love You 'Til the End - The Pogues
    [A nod to the traditional bad boys of Irish music singing something a touch out of character. Mark this off as a song I'd love to be serenaded with sometime in my life. Clearly we're in the upstroke of happiness here on the list, but coming back to the beginning and the idea of moving on.]
    
19. Flowers in the Window - Travis
    [And a happier song for my class. It really does only seem like yesterday that we started here at RCSI, and oh my Lord did I fell like I was drowning in information. I felt like there was no way I'd (maybe we'd) make it through... And we're all getting ready to be real doctors... Flowers in the windows guys.]
    
20. The Night I Punched Russell Crowe In the Head - Gaelic Storm
    [And a tribute to the stupidity that has come from the 4 years here. With the Irish roots of Gaelic Storm, singing about how he punched Russel Crowe (true story), it's silly, it's funny, it's fast and ridiculous. So has been RCSI.]
    

Music for a new decade and all the change that's brewing in the next few months. So... That's where we are musically for the year. A little sad, a little crazy, the tiniest bit angry, and very very hopeful.

Profiles...

I am like the duck: calm, collected, indifferent on the surface, under the water, my feet are paddling like crazy, but the water (like insults) just roll right off my back. I don't have favorite things, only those that are currently on heavy rotation. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly (for type-A personalities only). I am a human speedbump, a no-talent-ACE-clown, the short-stack. I hug. I pray. I jump in puddles and play in the rain. I think people are amazing and wonderful. I forgive others easily, I rarely forgive myself. I play with boys. Any sport is made better if there's contact. There should be pulitzer prize fighting. I bake whenever I can. I have a ridiculously inappropriate sense of humor. I giggle like a small child. I miss my pets back home. My brothers are crazy and I love them for it. I run, it's an addiction, it's my zen. Sanity is a subjective term. I dance all the time, whether sitting or standing, with or without music. There is always music playing in my head, the permanent soundtrack of my life. I'm weird... I know it... Learn it, Live it, Love it.

How Time Changes Things

Or... it doesn't really, does it now?





Some things never change...

I'm having a laugh over this.

Resp and onto more ADD Medicine

One week of resp medicine down... including a Friday night call and 7:30am post-take ward rounds (yeah... on Saturday). I never knew the hospital could be so quiet. And yes, I know I was on a study strike. But it wasn't a keener strike. And my boss really really really really really likes his students to be present for post-take ward rounds (read: be there or else).

Other things ticked off the docket include changing my name on my diploma (I really wanted my middle name there), getting my yearbook picture taken, writing a blurb for the yearbook (for surgsoc), and a trip to Ikea for some extra wine glasses. Tomorrow, I'll "break" the study strike to do some ECP reading. But I figure that's about all the work I'll do this week, so it's ok. I think this week long ethics/communications course is going to be... amusing? Just based on the group I'll be in with, should be either intense and challenging, or an absolute gong show. I've my fingers crossed for a gong show. Bring it on. Now, if only the boys will behave themselves... maybe just a little bit?

I'm glad to have an easy week of work though. I'm still getting over the exaustion of exams. Stupid exams. By the end of this week, mom is in town and I plan to be firing on all cylinders. Can't wait for mom time. Perhaps I'll get the car fixed before I go pick her up from the airport...

Anaestheti... Ooooh look at the Kitty!

(If you don't read A Softer World - asofterworld.com - I highly recommend it)

Week 1 down, which means I'm done with anaesthetics. Nice.

I wish I could say that I enjoyed Anaesthetics. Before I dump on it though, let me say this: The SPR in charge of the rotation right now is brilliant. She's lovely, an excellent teacher, and she makes the whole thing extremely accessible. I learned more from her than I did with the lectures on my own before my writtens and she made it a point not to waste our time by just re-teaching those (seeing as we had already studied them for the aforementioned and completed written exams). So to her, a solid tip of the hat. Now, why I didn't have a good time - quite simple really. I am 100% exhausted and wound up running a fever Wed-Sat. I don't know that it's appropriate for me to be bouncing around the ICU with a fever (read: it's not appropriate). But I only get one week of anaesthetics teaching all year, and I feel like 1) I'm not really allowed to miss it and 2) I don't want to miss the only opportunity to learn how to intubate before I stumble across it in an emergency situation. Fingers crossed we re-learn at ATLS later this year. But for those of you who still have that week of anaesthetics, it's not as horrendous as it was last semester. I promise.

I haven't managed to accomplish very much this weekend. Partially from feeling crummy and sick, partially from being at the intern exam in Bmont yesterday, partially from an afternoon meeting, and mostly because I didn't get out of bed until noon today (but really... When do I EVER do that?). I did, however, manage to pack up the christmas decorations and start the cleaning process that HAS to happen before my mom gets here. I refuse to let my flat be a mess for my mom... Plus, dinner party on the Sat, and I like it to be clean for that kinda thing too.

Week 2: Resp med. With whom? I don't know. I actually asked and the request for information blew up the computer on which the information was contained... Not sure what to do now. Maybe I'll just pick one? I'm going to take it easy this week. I'm getting better. Not 100% yet, but I'm getting there. I feel like there is just SO much life stuff to get done, and not much time allocated to do so. Like, oh, loans. And a PPS number. And... who knows what else. Need to get on that. Then I'm going to start learning some new stuff too, or at least start studying something again.

(Proof that I actually go out sometimes. Thanks Joan! And the Swan... Cheers meets Backer)

Writtens down... On to clinical

So... I've finished my written exams... Crazy. I have (almost) no more tests between me and graduation. I say almost because my Data Paper is somehow a written paper. It's much more like a hybrid between an exam and an osce. But here's the low down on what's left for Semester 2 SCII:

The next few weeks is like ADHD Medicine (in my mind)...

Week 1 - Anaesthetics
Week 2 - Respiratory Med
Week 3 - ECP1
Week 4 - ENT
Week 5 - ECP2
Week 6 - Ophtho
Week 7 & 8 - Sub-i Paeds
Week 9 & 10 - Sub-i Med
Week 11 & 12 - Waterford (misc) Med
Week 13 - 16 - Blanch Surgery
FINAL CLINICALS... OSCEs, Long Case, Data Paper...

May vacation x 3 weeks. (? Travel all over Europe)
June week 1 - Graduation week!!!
June vacation x 3 weeks. (? Home in MN for a bit)... Back in time for PEARL JAM!!!
July 1 - Start actually working for a paycheck! (woot)

After July 1, there's really almost nothing on my calendar. That scares me a little. This year is very much up in the air. Next year even more so. Bonkers. What am I going to do with my life?! (No, really... I'm open to some ideas here)

As I promised a few people, a lovely view of Dublin (and my car, Timmy) on New Year's Day.


Welcome to Dublin 2010... A place that feels strangely like a 3rd world country for about 2 weeks... I had an eventful start to the year though. Break-in, power failures, water shortages/outtages, car won't start, car starts, exams... *sigh* Onwards and upwards.

Bring it 2010... Bring it.

Where were you 10 years ago?

Q: Where were you 10 years ago?
A: Probably avoiding studying then too.

I've written my letters... Two this time. One for next year, and one for 2020 (AH! 2020!). And while some of the things in them are too personal to share here, there are a few I'm willing to answer.

So here are a few excerpts (cut down for censorship reasons) from my "Decade letter":

1st off... I miss-wrote Jan 1st... so I pointed out my "typo" and called myself a spa.

1. Where were you 10 years ago?
   
   Darn that Y2k nonsense! If I remember correctly, I spent NYE at Drew's house as per usual... black tie?
   
   Highlights: Slinky black velvet dress, Glen in a tux, Soooo many cookies... Sleeping under the Christmas tree, leaving at 8am for basketball... And frozen Mt.Dew as a breakfast slushie
   
   That was mid-senior year of high school. Accepted, but not committed to Notre Dame; captain of basketball and upcoming softball; working on yearbook, SEB, Student Council, Peer Helpers (Eve is fuzzy); and 2 steps shy of an absolute burnout... 17 years old and you thought the world would stop turning without you. Guess what, it didn't. But there was a minor slow-down...
   
   
2. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
   
   Alive. Let's start there. 37 years old... geographically speaking, I have NO idea...
   
   
3. What have you learned in the past 10 years?
   
   Making plans is like peeing in the ocean...
   You're loveable...
   You're smart...
   You're a tough cookie!...
   
   
4. Finish the following: 2000 was the decade of ____, 2010 will be the decade of ____.
   Growing pains... Chaotic peace...

That's all I'm really willing to share from that letter. I'm hoping I can hang on to it long enough to have it come 2020... Perhaps it's time I invested in a safety deposit box?

Hope the new year is treating you all well!
Peace,
~Liz

Happy New Year!

Welcome to a new decade!

I have to say, I rang in 2010 with much less pomp than most new year celebrations of my past. But hey, I have exams coming up. There's stuff to do. And the weather in Dublin, though entertaining, was not conducive to travel. I'll have to put up some pictures of the snow and ice (I took plenty). What I did do last night, was read the letter I wrote to myself Jan 1, 2009. It's a tradition I have... one of my newer traditions, but a tradition none-the-less. I was very gentle with myself last year. Very nice to myself. I actually almost cried when I read the letter. (that could have been the Prosecco talking). So now I'm going to sit down and write one for Liz - 2011. Before I do that, I have a few questions for everyone to ponder.

Where were you 10 years ago?
Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
What 3 things do you want for 2010?
What did you accomplish in 2009?
What did you learn about yourself in 2009?
Finish the following: 2009 was the year of ____. 2010 will be a year of ____.

I'm going to think about these and send some love to myself for next year!

Peace,
~L