You know what, screw you, Hollywood.
Actually, I can't blame Hollywood. I can't blame crappy books, or sitcoms. This issue can be traced back to Victorian Lit, to Shakespeare, to the Old Testament... (But not really the New Testament, because in the New Testament, the message is basically what I've only recently come to terms with).
I cannot pinpoint where exactly I internalized the message that for a relationship to be worthwhile, there has to be drama. But I did. There. I admit it. I admit I have a problem. I am addicted to drama. That's the first step in recovery, isn't it? [Actually, you apparently have to admit that you're powerless... I refuse.] Somewhere, maybe it was when I was a teenager, maybe it was long before that, I became convinced that a relationship had to overcome some sort of barrier, some sort of deficit, some major dilemma in order for it to be worthy of being a full and proper relationship. In order to date someone, we had to surmount all odds, be doomed, fated to fail, and eventually, in spite of all of that, we could come out tougher, stronger together... What a pile of crap.
No one wants to be the next Romeo & Juliet. SPOILER ALERT: they kill themselves. We don't need more Elizabeths & Mr Darcys. SPOILER ALERT: It takes her stupid little sister getting knocked up and forced into marriage before they manage to see that they were both horribly wrong about each other. Not that a little communication could have fixed that. We don't actually need to mimic the RomCom mold. SPOILER ALERT: They fight like they hate each other, but they'll end up together in the end because they'll have to cooperate in some way to get through this contrived situation. Or (s)he'll be in the friendzone, because (s)he's too nice, but following the latest dating disaster/bastard/bitch ending in tears, (s)he'll step up and really tell h(er)im how (s)he feels and it'll end happily ever after. I'm not going to soil my blog with discussions of the most recent "Love Story" between humans and vampires, because that's actually worse than garbage. SPOILER ALERT: it ends in death and war.
I've found myself in a wonderful relationship. I can't say recently, because it's been over a year now, but this one feels so different. It's relaxed. It's easy. It's comfortable. We don't agree on everything, but we don't have blow-up fights. We don't have all the same interests, but there seems to be enough time for everything. We both work to make time together. We are very compatible. We both pitch in on cooking dinner so we can have meals together. We discuss. We compromise. There is no drama. There is no major obstacles we've had to surmount. Is this what a grown-up relationship is? Why did it take me 30 years to figure this out? 30 years, and multiple damaging heart aches?
How many times have I sabotaged relationships to make them fit that model of having challenges, trials, drama? If I did, I apologise to the other half... Maybe that's it though, that was the big drama, the major obstacle to my current relationship: letting go of drama.
I highly recommend it. Drama is overrated. Leave it to the professional actors, to the pages of a book, to the tabloids. Hold onto the comfortable, the happy, and the relaxed. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship that you could describe as "nice." I am very happy with mine.
