Unacceptable vs. Unforgivable

I had planned to put up a post last weekend. But then I'd gone and left it for Sunday, and I was on call all day. And for anyone who hasn't experienced being on call at the end of the weekend... it sucks. So when I managed to drag myself home late Sunday night, I was in no mood to put up a post. To be honest, I'm not sure I am now. This week was horrendous. I would easily say this was the worst week I've had since I started in July and Tuesday is the worst day I've had... possibly in my life.

I'm not one prone to massive exaggeration, so bear with me here. I'm going to try to give it some context. I work on a rather large, combined team, medical service that provides, in addition to general medical hospital take, cardiology admissions, in hospital day case admissions, and overnight interventional transfer service. At full service ("full" in these recessional times), we have 2 consultants, 4 SPRs, 3 SHOs, and 2 interns (plus currently one very involved sub-intern who has been slaving to keep me from losing the plot... she is a star). That leaves a consultant, 1 or 2 SPRs, 2 or 3 SHOs, and both interns on the wards for the in-patient service. This past week, at best, we've been ranging at 1 consultant, 1 SPR, 1 SHO, 1 intern. I spent two days on my own on the wards from about 9-4... No Reg, no SHO... Needless to say, I've been in a few hairy situations that I'd rather not revisit. I've been working overtime that I'm never going to get paid. And I've been unduly criticized for holes in the work. I hated this week.

Things that are "Unacceptable":

• Leaving an intern alone to run an in-patient service.
• Belittling an intern for not doing a job that they've not been asked to do and is not in their job description (And thus are completely unaware of).
• Allowing an intern to lose confidence in their ability to practice medicine when they cannot fill-in for multiple missing people at once.
  
• Yelling at an intern in front of patients/staff/colleagues.

Things that are "Unforgivable":

• Doing all of the above at the same time.

... Dearest of dear consultants, this type of behaviour is the reason half of the intern class is planning on leaving. You will be short NCHDs for years to come. You will be sadly disappointed if you continue to expect interns to make up for missing SHOs (PS: especially if the hospitals continue to refuse to pay us).

This was the first time since I moved here that I thought, seriously and 100% thought about moving home... I thought about calling in sick because I was dreading the idea of being in work. I thought about quitting. I thought about yelling at my boss. I thought about refusing to do work while in work. And I imbibed more alcohol in the past week than I have in about a year... My current post is dangerously close to giving me an ulcer, or a drinking problem, or both.

On Tuesday, arguably one of the worst days of my life, I had 2 other separate blows. First, it was the day I needed to submit my preference form for SHO. I got home, 100% crushed, balled my eyes out, drank, tried to eat without throwing up, and then tried to figure out where I wanted to be for the next 2 years of my life, all the while battling the voice in my head that was screaming to just go home. I have not experienced such an evening in the better part of a decade, and the last time I had one of those, was in fact the worst day of my life. Thank you job... Second, I was seriously let down by a friend; nearly as soul crushing as the day...

Needless to say, I'm happy to see this week gone. Fuck you second week of March. Please accept my foot up your arse as a parting gift.

My holidays cannot come soon enough.